Traditional British fayre at it's finest!

Both the gammon and the cauliflower cheese take a while, but they really are worth it.
| Preparation: 20 minutes | Serves: 18 crumpets | 
| Cooking: 2 hours | Cold-buttered crumpets | 
| Ingredients | Quantity (metric) | Quantity (imperial) | 
|---|---|---|
| Gammon | ||
| Smoked gammon joint | 1.4 kg | 3.1 lb | 
| Small white onion (peeled and quartered) | 1 | 1 | 
| Bay leaves | 3 | 3 | 
| Black peppercorns | 1 tsp | 1 tsp | 
| Juniper berries | 1 tsp | 1 tsp | 
| Whole cloves | 3 | 3 | 
| Honey | 2 tsp | 2 tsp | 
| Dijon mustard | 2 tsp | 2 tsp | 
| Cauliflower cheese | ||
| Cauliflower (leaves removed, cored and cut into evenly-sized florets) | 1 | 1 | 
| Small white onion (peeled and roughly chopped) | 1 | 1 | 
| Milk | 600 ml | 20 floz | 
| Salted butter | 60 g | 2.1 oz | 
| Plain flour | 50 g | 1.75 oz | 
| Lancashire cheese (grated) | 150 g | 5.3 oz | 
| Fresh breadcrumbs | 25 g | 0.9 oz | 
| Bay leaves | 2 | 2 | 
| Whole cloves | 3 | 3 | 
| Freshly-grated nutmeg | 1 tsp | 1 tsp | 
| Salt and pepper | Plenty | Plenty | 
As ever, don't forget to use gammon from happy pigs or karma might come to bite you on the arse.